It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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