a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize