the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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