Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Drake has all the answers
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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