I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize