I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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