i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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