Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize