My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize