I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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