I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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