He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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