There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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