Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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