Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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