I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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