Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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