Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i already hear my dad disowning me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
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can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize