Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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