My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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