i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize