nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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