I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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