Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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