every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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