I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we're making bets on your personal life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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