Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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