You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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