A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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