The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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