At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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