I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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