You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
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I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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