look no pants
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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