In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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