On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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