I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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