The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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