I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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