btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
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John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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