Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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