so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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