does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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