I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize