you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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