my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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