apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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