the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
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how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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