can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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