I accidentally burped into my bong.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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